The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.