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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,319

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Seen just now on Slack:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Trending via Pinterest:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Going bananas on Facebook:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Just shared via Twitch:

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

Shared recently on Slack:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Making waves on Twitch:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

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The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.
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Commentary:
When your wallet doubles as a personal trainer 🏋️‍♂️💸😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Slack this month:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

80 shares on Slack this month:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

18 shares on X this month:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

We decided to have money instead of children.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

WhatsApp needs to remove that “this message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,389

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I have nothing in common with people who “forget to eat”.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Just shared via WeChat:

Toxic girlfriend who goes through her boyfriend’s calculator app and asks why he’s doing the equations he’s doing.

Just landed via Discord:

I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall.

Going bananas on WeChat:

For once, I would just like to underthink a situation. How do you guys do that?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

Shared recently on Reddit:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.

Just landed via Slack:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Just shared via Reddit:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

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