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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,956

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

Just landed via Facebook:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Just landed via Reddit:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Trending via Pinterest:

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Making waves on X:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Breaking via Discord:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Just shared via X:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
And here I am questioning my life choices after buying extra guac 🌯💸😅

30, credit, credit score, debt, economy, finance, giving, humor, irony, money, people, score

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, humor, i, introvert, know, meeting, much, new, people, relationships, social, social anxiety, un-meet
On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

0

3 months ago

babe, communication, contact, contacts, full, full name, government, government office, humor, i, identity, love, name, never, nickname, office, phone, phone contact, relationship, save, saved, texting
Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

0

3 months ago

adult, adult industry, collar, corporate, corporate office, developer, humor, imagine, industry, job, office, office job, Pornhub, weird, weird job, whatever, white, white collar, working, workplace, workplace humor
Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

0

2 months ago

attraction, complicated, dating, flirting, humor, relationships, right, single, things, where
The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

0

2 months ago

air, air dryer, bathroom, dryer, fact, hands, humor, moment, paper, paper towel, put, realization, struggle, technology, time, towel
I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

0

2 months ago

doing, expectations, hate, humor, i, life, me, people, planning, procrastination, today, tomorrow, uncertainty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

27 shares on X this month:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

46 shares on Slack this month:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Spotted on WeChat:

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

Just landed via TikTok:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Shared recently on WeChat:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Shared recently on Discord:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Just shared via YouTube:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨