Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,646

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

Making waves on Reddit:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Just landed via Discord:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m literally overstimulated with life. I need to scream on top of a mountain.

Breaking via Discord:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Trending via Snapchat:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Live now on Instagram:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Seen just now on Discord:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Making waves on Telegram:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"When you're outsmarted by your own snack stash… 🤦🏻‍♀️🍫🔍 #SnackNinjaFail"

being, end, family, food, forget, forgetfulness, hidden, hiding, humor, i, kid, me, parenting, parenting struggle, problem, snacks, struggle, too

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Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

85 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

29 shares on Reddit this month:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I miss you (the money I spent).

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter is basically introverts gone wild.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Going viral on X:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Live now on Discord:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Trending via Messenger:

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Going bananas on YouTube:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

Making waves on Twitch:

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

It’s funny we got universal near-perfect free translation, and the world didn’t really change at all.

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It’s funny we got universal near-perfect free translation, and the world didn’t really change at all.

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨