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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Just shared via Messenger:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Trending via WeChat:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Spotted on Slack:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Making waves on WeChat:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

The real pandemic was when everyone was reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

21 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like we all caught a contagious case of zero f*cks given 😄📚🤷‍♂️

art, book, distraction, everyone, f*ck, giving, humor, pandemic, quarantine, reading, real, satire, self-help, subtle, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

0

5 months ago

clueless, confuse, confusion, going, humor, i, know, me, misunderstanding
For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

0

2 months ago

celebration, coaster, costume, emotional, fun, going, Halloween, humor, roller, roller coaster
You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, getting, humor, know, nerf, own, relatable, self, start, stress
Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

0

2 months ago

am, beset, excuse, foe, funny statement, humor, i, night, sides, sorry, statement, tonight
After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

0

2 months ago

able, after, communicate, communication, couple, humor, joke, least, long-term relationship, marriage, married, never, nonverbal, nonverbal communication, pretty, relationship, relationship joke, silence, speak, sure, term, time, why
Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

0

2 months ago

401k, cause, commitment, exercise, finance, hell, humor, i, joke, never, retirement, run, running, signed

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Reddit this month:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

95 shares on X this month:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

32 shares on Threads this month:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

The first step to recovery is addiction.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

Just landed via Discord:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Making waves on Twitch:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Just landed via Facebook:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The real pandemic was when everyone was reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨