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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Been getting really into nothing.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,405

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

Just landed via Twitch:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Spotted on X:

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

Going viral on Twitch:

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

Just landed via WeChat:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Going viral on Threads:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Freshly posted on X:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Live now on Reddit:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like all that's missing is a laser pointer and some really awkward Q&A! 😂📊

comedy, How I Met Your Mother, humor, i, just, met, mother, show, storytelling, talk, ted, TED talk, television, TV, TV Show

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

0

2 months ago

actor, actors, chaos, daily, daily life, feel, fresh, humor, humorous, humorous observation, life, observation, people, sitcom, unpaid, unpaid actor
I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

0

2 months ago

age, comfort, humor, i, old, sit, sitting, too
Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

0

2 months ago

address, communication, email, email address, flirt, humor, identity, internet, line, online, online identity, pickup, pickup line, username
Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

0

4 months ago

asked, book, books, bookshop, conversation, great, humor, joke, me, misunderstanding, recommend, recommendation, said, sure, worker
I have no beef with vegetarians.

0

2 months ago

beef, diet, food, humor, i, joke, vegetarian
I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

0

2 months ago

awesome, coffee, confidence, evolution, humor, i, motivation, need, positivity, self-improvement, state

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on YouTube this month:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

71 shares on Threads this month:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

28 shares on X this month:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

44 shares on Instagram this month:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Going viral on Messenger:

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Trending via TikTok:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Freshly posted on X:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

I have no beef with vegetarians.

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨