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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

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15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Just landed via X:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Going bananas on Threads:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

Live now on LinkedIn:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Making waves on Telegram:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Making waves on Twitch:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about food obsession and self-awareness, highlighting humorous overthinking.

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Commentary:
I call it "meal planning"… in my head… 24/7. 🍕🤔😂

craving, eating, embarrassing, embarrassment, food, humor, i, just, kind, spend, thinking, time

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51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

23 shares on WeChat this month:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

25 shares on Slack this month:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

89 shares on Threads this month:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

57 shares on X this month:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

69 shares on Slack this month:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

21 shares on X this month:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

Trending via Threads:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Going viral on Messenger:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Live now on Messenger:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

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Activity Log ✨

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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