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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,347

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Trending via Discord:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Making waves on WeChat:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Spotted on Telegram:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Spotted on X:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Breaking via Twitch:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about therapists jokingly demanding payment, highlighting playful therapy humor.

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Commentary:
Paying for wisdom, one chuckle at a time! 😂💸🤔

anyone, anything, debt, dollars, except, humor, me, money, payment, psychology, session, therapist

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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

80 shares on Messenger this month:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

96 shares on X this month:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

10 shares on X this month:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Half princess, half menace.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Going bananas on TikTok:

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

Just landed via Slack:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Going viral on Instagram:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Live now on Telegram:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Just shared via Slack:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Just landed via Slack:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨