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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Jan 5, 2026

3,655

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Seen just now on Instagram:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

Spotted on Threads:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Breaking via YouTube:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Seen just now on Messenger:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

2 months ago

0

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Santa's not the only one making a list and checking it twice this Christmas! 🌕🎄🍷 Time to watch out for those festive shenanigans under the magical glow of the full moon! 🌝🎅 Cheers to a merry and memorable holiday season! 🎉🥂

alcohol, celebration, Christmas, enough, family, full, full moon, going, holiday, humor, mix, mixing, moon, together

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

0

2 months ago

closer, environment, humor, idiots, nature, outdoors, sarcasm, wilderness
Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

0

2 months ago

collaboration, dream, dream work, explain, humor, individuality, joking, needs, personality, self, team, team work, work
Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

0

2 months ago

Chinese, Chinese takeout, depressing, eating, expectation, expectation vs reality, food, good, humor, movie, never, reality, takeout, vs
Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

0

2 months ago

code, dining, experience, humor, irony, live, menu, moment, phone, put, qr, QR code, restaurant, technology
Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

0

2 months ago

affection, comparison, flower, humor, i, love, me, phone, relationship, sun, teenager
“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

0

2 months ago

advice, criticism, God, humor, i, life, life advice, notes, okay, plan, sarcasm, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Discord this month:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

27 shares on Telegram this month:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,435

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

God saw you do that.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

Seen just now on Slack:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Just landed via Telegram:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Going viral on Messenger:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Live now on Telegram:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Seen just now on Telegram:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Just shared via Twitch:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴