They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

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Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

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Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

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Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

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As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

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If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

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Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

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Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

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Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

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Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.