They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

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I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

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The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

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My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

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We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

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The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

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Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

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How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

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My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

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I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

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If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.