Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Imagine thinking you have any clue what’s going on.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,576

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Spotted on Slack:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

Making waves on Instagram:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Trending via WhatsApp:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Shared recently on X:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Just shared via X:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

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This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.
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Commentary:
Looks like we're using carrier pigeons next time! 📞🕊️📬

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Twitch this month:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

37 shares on TikTok this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

52 shares on X this month:

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,493

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

Making waves on Slack:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Going viral on Discord:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Making waves on Discord:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Trending via X:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

Just landed via Discord:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Shared recently on Messenger:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

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