Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Making waves on Telegram:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Just landed via X:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the cost of living hits you like a rent invoice even Jesus couldn’t cover 🏦💸😅

after, cost, cost of living, faith, humor, Jesus, joke, life, life cost, living, paid, payment, religion

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

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2 months ago

cable, humor, i, money, monthly, only, rid, services, smart, streaming
Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

0

2 months ago

dating, deserve, DM, less, me, sarcasm, self-worth
Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

0

2 months ago

40s, adulthood, age, excuse, friend, help, humor, joke, move, welcome
My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

0

2 months ago

asleep, cycle, fall, fall asleep, humor, i, insomnia, issues, morning, night, sleep, sleep issues, sleeping, sleeping cycle, sleepy
Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

0

2 months ago

ask, aspiration, dream, dream job, dreams, humor, i, irony, job, me, never, procrastination, work
I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

0

2 months ago

call, communication, hate, humor, i, people, personal, personal preference, phone, preference, sarcasm, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Facebook this month:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

49 shares on Slack this month:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Spotted on TikTok:

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

Shared recently on Threads:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Spotted on Threads:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

Going viral on YouTube:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Seen just now on Slack:

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

Spotted on Instagram:

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨