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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,590

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Spreading quickly via X:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Going viral on Reddit:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Seen just now on Threads:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Just landed via Messenger:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Spotted on Instagram:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

22 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Running from time like it's auditioning for a horror movie villain role! 🕒🔪😂

chase, chasing, fear, healing, humor, joke, knife, me, pain, time, wound, wounds, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

0

3 months ago

bond, break, butter, food, food love, friendship, humor, love, me, nothing, peanut, peanut butter
My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

0

2 months ago

finance, humor, investment, IPO, jar, joke, money, soon, swear, swear jar
Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

0

2 months ago

bother, bothering, humor, introvert, irony, people, self, social, staying, yourself
My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

0

2 months ago

account, actually, fake, humor, identity, joke, officer, probation, probation officer, relationship, surprise
Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

0

4 months ago

bath, being, care, clean, cleaned, cry, fine, house, humor, i, just, mood, mood swing, self, self-care, snack, swing, wild, woman
Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

0

2 months ago

assume, brave, charm, confidence, flirtation, good, good looks, humor, looks, resist

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Never trust a wet fart.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Live now on Reddit:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Breaking via Snapchat:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

Making waves on Telegram:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Trending via Instagram:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

Just shared via Discord:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨