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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

4,038

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Live now on Facebook:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Making waves on TikTok:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Just shared via Threads:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Spotted on Instagram:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Going bananas on Threads:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Spotted on Twitch:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

7 days ago

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Commentary:
Avoiding existential crises one popcorn kernel at a time! 🍿🎬🧠

2, binge, binge-watching, day, distraction, entertainment, happening, humor, movie, prevent, procrastination, thought, watching

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The world started without permission again.

1 day ago

again, event, humor, permission, sarcasm, started, unexpected, unexpected event, world
Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

3 months ago

2025, babe, deadline, humor, ok, planning, pressure, q4, relationship, roadmap, work, work pressure
It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

2 weeks ago

accomplish, amazing, around, before, cleaning, coming, house, housework, humor, i, motivation, much, over, preparation, procrastination, productivity, right, someone, visitor
I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

4 days ago

attitude, check, complaint, complaints, contact, daughter, humor, i, manufacturer, parent-child, please, response, told, witty, witty response
His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

1 month ago

awkward, communication, courtroom, hands, honor, humor, joke, me, speech, stop, talking
I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

1 month ago

autocorrect, away, back, frustration, hate, humor, i, just, mistakes, technology, typing

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

My love language is being sent money.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Shared recently on Threads:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Spotted on Discord:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

Just landed via Reddit:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

Going viral on TikTok:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

The world started without permission again.

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

I’m writing a fairytale about a printer that just works.

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

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Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The world started without permission again.

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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