Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,239

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Just landed via TikTok:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Going bananas on Messenger:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Just shared via Reddit:

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later haven’t been making enough effort eating.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Trending via Snapchat:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guessing the animals are just mad they can't order kale sippers at the smoothie bar, Karen 🐄🥤🧀

after, bad, cheese, dairy, drinks, eat, health, humor, infancy, kale, Karen, let, mango, me, milk, only, peace, pineapple, smoothie, specy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

0

2 months ago

bulletproof, bulletproof vest, gun, humor, logic, men, pill, relationship, responsibility, sense, shoot, should, take, vest
Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, being, being informed, done, ever, health, humor, information, information overload, informed, mental, mental health, overload, stress, thing, worst
They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

0

2 months ago

betrayal, cooking, flavor, food, humor, kitchen, recipe, same, sauce, steal, taste, theft
Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

0

2 months ago

always, boss, employee, good, hard, humor, i, me, wit, workplace
I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

0

2 months ago

back, closet, date, existentialism, fashion, humor, i, Nietzsche, nothing, outfit, preparation, stare, wear
Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

0

2 months ago

am, counter, dancing, happy, humming, humor, i, little, meds, nutcase, pill, pill counter, routine, self-care, weekly, weekly routine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

52 shares on Discord this month:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

78 shares on Discord this month:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

82 shares on Discord this month:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Just landed via Slack:

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

Spotted on WeChat:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Going bananas on X:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Live now on Instagram:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Making waves on Threads:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

Trending via Threads:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Trending via Telegram:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Just shared via YouTube:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨