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Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

Breaking via Slack:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Breaking via TikTok:

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

Seen just now on YouTube:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Spotted on Reddit:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

Spotted on TikTok:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Trending via Reddit:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Breaking via Threads:

This can’t be the life I protected with a mask in 2020.

Live now on WhatsApp:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about overripe rich people, playful and humorous text for accessibility.

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Commentary:
Guess it's time to make some billionaire jam! 🥄😜🍇

commentary, eating, got, humor, metaphor, overripe, rich, social, social commentary, talking

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on X this month:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

35 shares on X this month:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Math is like Chinese to me.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

13 shares on Slack this month:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

Going viral on Reddit:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Trending via Snapchat:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Just landed via Instagram:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Going bananas on Discord:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Just landed via Instagram:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Just shared via X:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

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Activity Log ✨

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨