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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I’m tired of things costing money.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Going viral on Pinterest:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Freshly posted on X:

Thinking you’re too smart to be manipulated is exactly how you get manipulated.

Just landed via Instagram:

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

Going viral on Reddit:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

Live now on Pinterest:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Breaking via WeChat:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Spotted on Telegram:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Going viral on X:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

2 months ago

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I'd probably be trying to have a serious conversation with a cat right now! 🐱🍷😂

being, drunk, humor, intoxication, question, right, situation

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47 shares on Facebook this month:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

16 shares on Slack this month:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

91 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Spotted on Messenger:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Shared recently on Slack:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Going viral on Reddit:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Making waves on Discord:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

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Activity Log ✨

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

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Activity Log ✨

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Keep the laugh going 😂

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

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