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"Dear Universe, I'd like a lifetime supply of pizza, a unicorn, and maybe just one day where my WiFi doesn’t decide to take a vacation 🤞🍕🦄📡"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

1 month ago
after, decapitated, fashion, great, headless, humor, irony, let, mannequin, new, self-image, shirt
The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

1 month ago
dental, humor, intelligence, joke, smart, thing, tooth, wisdom
Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

1 month ago
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I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

1 month ago
audiobook, believe, book, entertainment, found, humor, i, listening, literature, me, reading, self-discovery
I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

1 month ago
coping, coping mechanism, critique, humor, i, irony, love, mechanism, okay, self-awareness, someone, trauma
I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

1 month ago
dad, exaggeration, family, humor, i, just, small, sneeze, think, village

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Just landed via Reddit:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

Just shared via Telegram:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Shared recently on X:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

Making waves on Twitch:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

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Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

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Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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