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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

37 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Just shared via X:

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

Going viral on Telegram:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Making waves on Discord:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Going viral on TikTok:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

Trending via TikTok:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Spotted on X:

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

Just landed via TikTok:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Jan 23, 2025

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Taking a stroll equipped with both dog treats and people treats? 🐶🍬 Better watch out for those mix-ups! One accidental snack swap could lead to some very confused (and possibly offended) companions. Stay vigilant, treat distributor extraordinaire!"

activity, bring, dog, dog treat, humor, i, never, outdoor, outdoor activity, owner, people, people treat, pet, pet owner, take, treat, walk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

37 minutes ago

3,449

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Screw you guys, I’m gonna go make friends with the crows.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Making waves on Instagram:

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

Just shared via WeChat:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Just shared via Threads:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Just landed via Slack:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Making waves on TikTok:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Just shared via X:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

Live now on Discord:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

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