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Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

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Just shared via Pinterest:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Just landed via WeChat:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

Seen just now on YouTube:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

Just landed via Instagram:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Making waves on Facebook:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Spotted on Telegram:

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

Just shared via Facebook:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Just landed via Twitch:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

2 days ago

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Commentary:
Ah, the fine print of adulthood—must have missed that part! 🧓📜😂

adulting, aging, disappointment, frustration, humor, i, life, nostalgia, older, sarcasm, shit, wait, well, young

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Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Instagram:

I have a yearning disability.

Live now on Pinterest:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Seen just now on Slack:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Trending via Instagram:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Just landed via Slack:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Just landed via Telegram:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Just landed via Instagram:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Making waves on Facebook:

Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

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When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

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If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

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When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

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