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Commentary:
"Excessive screen time causing brain damage? Well, guess it's time to add 'professional multitasker' to the resume! 🧠💥📱 #BrainsAreOverrated"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

2 weeks ago

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Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

2 weeks ago

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I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

1 week ago

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First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

3 weeks ago

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“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

1 week ago

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My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

3 weeks ago

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Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Twitch this month:

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

I love men with a provider fetish.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

I keep saying, “It is what it is,” but what even is it?

Seen just now on Instagram:

The peace of not knowing.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Making waves on Threads:

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Just landed via TikTok:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Making waves on Messenger:

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Making waves on WeChat:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Going viral on Threads:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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