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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,359

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

Just landed via Snapchat:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Trending via Snapchat:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

Just landed via Twitch:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Trending via X:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

4 months ago

0

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Always knew there was a reason I got teary-eyed during cat videos! 🐱😂📅

calendar, crying, emotion, humor, i, know, mood, needs, nonsense, over, period, PMS, sensitivity, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

0

2 months ago

asked, engine, give, good, Google, humor, i, ID, joke, me, plumber, rating, review, search, search engine, thought, wit
You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

0

2 months ago

attention, date, dining, eat, fashion, food, humor, mess, shirt, spaghetti, wants, wear, white
Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

0

2 months ago

duck, fun, humor, i, maybe, preference, quirky, randomness, scattered
If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

0

5 months ago

advice, answer, bite, death, die, give, humor, joke, poison, should, simply, snake, sure, survival, wait
I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

0

2 months ago

again, astrology, bad, bad things, blame, fact, grown, grown up, humor, i, just, me, Mercury, parents, problems, retrograde, self-awareness, terms, things, used
Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad luck, control, face, friendship, humor, i, irony, lose, luck, problems, sadness, support

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Messenger this month:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

28 shares on X this month:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

26 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

86 shares on X this month:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

30 shares on X this month:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a break from me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,622

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Live now on YouTube:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Spotted on Pinterest:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Just shared via Messenger:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Going viral on Messenger:

The older I get, no.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Shared recently on X:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

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