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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

It’s crazy that we’re closer to the year 3000 then I am to finding love.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,590

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

Freshly posted on X:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Going viral on Messenger:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Breaking via Messenger:

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

Spotted on Slack:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Making waves on Messenger:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Spotted on Reddit:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Going viral on Facebook:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Going viral on Instagram:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

“I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

2 months ago

0

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Approaching women on the street with lines like 'whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?' is like trying to catch a fish with a loudspeaker instead of a fishing rod 🎣🔊. Let's just say subtlety might work better than a bold approach in this case!"

approach, babe, convention, dating, flirting, hot, hot babe, humor, line, love, pickup, pickup line, say, street, town, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

1

1 month ago

burger, flirting, girl, humor, i, joke, line, love, pickup, pickup line
Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

0

2 months ago

dehydration, drinking, humor, i, problem, wit
I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

0

2 months ago

after, anything, carbohydrate, diet, evening, food, humor, lifestyle, read, reading, self-discipline, trying
My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, cart, dollars, humor, humor quote, million, money, online, online shopping, procrastination, savings, shopping, spending
Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

0

2 months ago

alternate, alternate universe, another, face, humor, hypothetical, hypothetical scenario, i, maybe, punch, quiet, regret, scenario, silence, staying, universe
They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

0

2 months ago

back, banh, banh mi, comeback, food, foodie, humor, i, joke, life, mi, never, pho, restaurant, said, spot, Vietnamese

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

85 shares on Discord this month:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

77 shares on YouTube this month:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,315

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Making waves on Twitch:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Just shared via Messenger:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

Seen just now on X:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Breaking via Telegram:

In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

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