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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Just landed via Messenger:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Spotted on WeChat:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Going bananas on Slack:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Making waves on TikTok:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

Just landed via Twitch:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Work beers should be a daily thing.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about workplace drinks, playful suggestion for daily beers.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Time to update the employee handbook to include 'Beer O'Clock' every day! 🍺😄🎉

beer, beers, culture, daily, daily routine, humor, office, office culture, relaxation, routine, should, socializing, thing, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

1 week ago

data, freak, geek, humor, nerd, office, spreadsheet, work
They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

1 week ago

anger, emotion, frustration, healing, mad, sarcasm, say, still, time
I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

3 weeks ago

daily, daily life, dog, dogs, family, humor, kids, life, parenting, taxi, today, transportation
On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

3 weeks ago

adventure, anything, fantasy, humor, journey, Mordor, need, nerd, quest
Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

1 week ago

advice, boundary, directive, humor, me, naked, relationship, tell
Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

2 weeks ago

anything, app, bravery, confidence, coward, dating, humor, relationships

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

My body looks like I have a great personality.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

69 shares on X this month:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

83 shares on X this month:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

68 shares on Threads this month:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Spotted on Messenger:

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Just shared via Threads:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Spotted on Discord:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨