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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

6 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Trending via Threads:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Trending via YouTube:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.
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Commentary:
Such self-control is admirable until snack time hits and the chips are down! 🍟😆

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

6 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

It’s cold and dark outside, made me think of you.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Shared recently on X:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Reported on X:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Reported on WhatsApp:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Just landed via WeChat:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

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