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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Showing my barber a Rorschach test, and he gives me his mother’s haircut.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,739

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Making waves on Instagram:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

Spotted on Telegram:

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

Breaking via Slack:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Breaking via Telegram:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Just shared via Slack:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Making waves on Twitch:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Playful quote warning that costumes won’t give you superpowers or flight.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, I guess that explains why my flight plan was more flop than soar! 🦸‍♂️🛑✈️

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

69 shares on Threads this month:

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

73 shares on Discord this month:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,535

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Trending via Messenger:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Shared recently on Discord:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Just shared via Twitch:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Breaking via Messenger:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

Just landed via YouTube:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

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