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Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

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The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

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Iโ€™m not alone. I have ants.

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Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

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Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

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Itโ€™s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

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Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

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The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

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When you want to key his car, but he doesnโ€™t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

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Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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