You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

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Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

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How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

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Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

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I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

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My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

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Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

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“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

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I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

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Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

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It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.