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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

This Monday could have been an email.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,267

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Live now on X:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Going bananas on Facebook:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Shared recently on WeChat:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Making waves on Messenger:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Going viral on Discord:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your argument falls on *deaf* ears… because earplugs! 🎧🙉😂"

anything, better, cancellation, ear, ear protection, earplugs, hear, hearing, humor, i, me, noise, noise cancellation, protection, sarcasm, simply, stubbornness, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

0

2 months ago

authority, charge, conversation, demand, humor, joke, meet, meeting, sibling, speak, twins
There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

0

2 months ago

back, card, humor, relaxation, return, sympathy, sympathy card, vacation, work, workplace
If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

0

2 months ago

back, cat, cats, communication, humor, pet, sarcasm, text, texting
Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

0

2 months ago

confusion, finding, Friday, humor, nothing, surprise, time, Tuesday, waking, waking up, week
Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

0

2 months ago

art, back, bring, chill, chill time, doing, doing nothing, friends, hanging, hanging out, house, just, leisure, lost, lost art, nothing, quality, quality time, socializing, time
“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, awkwardness, everyone, expectation, expectation vs reality, fact, fun, fun fact, group, group activity, humor, i, icebreaker, idea, introduce, introduction, nice, reality, room, social, social awkwardness, thought, vs, wrong, wrong idea

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Discord this month:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

77 shares on X this month:

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

37 shares on Threads this month:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

67 shares on X this month:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Trending via TikTok:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Making waves on TikTok:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Live now on Threads:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

Spotted on Instagram:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Going viral on TikTok:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨