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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Shared recently on Slack:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Trending via Threads:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Live now on TikTok:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Spotted on Discord:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Trending via Reddit:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Going viral on Instagram:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Making waves on Instagram:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Making waves on Messenger:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

3 weeks ago

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I'm the kind of person who would spill all the beans just by being asked if I want a glass of water! 😅💧

embarrassing, embarrassing information, exaggeration, humor, information, interrogation, me, much, pretty, sarcasm, waterboard

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15 shares on YouTube this month:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

52 shares on Slack this month:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

79 shares on Threads this month:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Just shared via TikTok:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

Seen just now on YouTube:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Breaking via Messenger:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

Just landed via Threads:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Going bananas on Twitch:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Making waves on WeChat:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

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Activity Log ✨

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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