Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

615 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,208

Funny Quotes Topics

17,340

Funny Quotes Images

15,208

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,896

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Going viral on Slack:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

21 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I'm the kind of person who would spill all the beans just by being asked if I want a glass of water! 😅💧

embarrassing, embarrassing information, exaggeration, humor, information, interrogation, me, much, pretty, sarcasm, waterboard

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal antics, antics, behavior, best, best friend, bite, companionship, early, early morning, excitement, friend, humor, market, morning, pet, pet behavior, puppy
Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

0

2 months ago

budget, confuse, dating, finance, humor, men, money, month, never, only, operational, recruitment, relationship
Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

0

2 months ago

dating, found, humor, maybe, reason, romance, sarcasm, soul, soulmate, wit
I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

0

2 months ago

again, breakup, date, dating, disappointment, expectations, hear, humor, i, love, man, me, relationship, right, think
I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, intelligence, interaction, IQ, people, room, room temperature, social, social interaction, talking, temperature
Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

0

2 months ago

date, ghost, Halloween, humor, illegal, law, relationship, upset

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

12 shares on Telegram this month:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Making waves on Discord:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

Live now on LinkedIn:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Live now on Messenger:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

Just shared via Instagram:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨