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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,360

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Just landed via X:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Long story short, I survived.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Freshly posted on X:

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Seen just now on X:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal quest for the perfect hot dog at a baseball game! 🌭🎶 Just imagine me, belting out 'hot dogs! hot dogs!' like a culinary symphony conductor in the stands. 🌭🎵 Who needs peanuts and cracker jacks when you've got a serious hot dog mission to fulfill?"

again, baseball, craving, dog, dogs, ever, food, game, guy, hear, hot, hot dog, humor, looking, me, over, sports, vendor, yelling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Instagram this month:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

38 shares on X this month:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

46 shares on X this month:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me and im just at my desk spinning reeaaally fast in my office chair.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,574

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Just landed via Instagram:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Trending via Messenger:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Going viral on Reddit:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Spotted on TikTok:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

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