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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,682

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Shared recently on TikTok:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Just landed via Pinterest:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Spotted on Threads:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

You give my middle finger an erection.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, my middle finger just hit the gym and is looking buff! 💪🤣🖕

adult, adult humor, finger, give, humor, insult, joke, middle, middle finger, sarcasm, vulgar

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

0

2 months ago

clutter, everything, humor, humor quote, irony, joke, possessions, put, sarcasm, where
If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

0

2 months ago

actor, cancelled, getting, humor, life, playing, real, real world, relationships, someone, world
Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

0

2 months ago

analogy, driving, fear, highway, humor, journey, life, merge
My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

0

2 months ago

able, account, career, career goal, delete, detox, digital, digital detox, goal, humor, job, just, LinkedIn, media, online, online presence, point, presence, social, social media
Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

0

2 months ago

cyborg, fight, fighting, future, give, humor, iPad, just, kids, parenting, screen, screen time, technology, time
My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

0

2 months ago

bank, desk, finance, irony, keep, me, missing, money, pen, pens, safe, security, trust

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

24 shares on X this month:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

51 shares on Threads this month:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Cheating on an exam by memorizing all the content beforehand so I can easily answer the questions.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Spotted on Threads:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Just landed via Threads:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You give my middle finger an erection.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨