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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,269

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Just landed via Twitch:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Trending via Threads:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Spotted on Slack:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Freshly posted on X:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Just landed via Twitch:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Breaking via X:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

3 weeks ago

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Guess I better start making coffee that even my spreadsheets can't ignore! ☕📈💼

8, business, create, deadline, hours, humor, productivity, shareholder, time, value, work

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65 shares on Messenger this month:

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

90 shares on Slack this month:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

75 shares on Discord this month:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Spotted on WeChat:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Going viral on Discord:

I’m sick of waking up thinking about the government, and going to bed thinking about the government.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Just landed via Twitch:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

Just shared via Twitch:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

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Activity Log ✨

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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