Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,588

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Making waves on Threads:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Just landed via TikTok:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Just landed via Snapchat:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Seen just now on Slack:

“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

Shared recently on Messenger:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
If missing my dog was a valid excuse, I'd be home before I even left! 🐶🏃‍♂️✨

allowed, dog, early, early leave, home, humor, leave, lot, miss, missing, missing pet, pet, should, work, workplace, workplace humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

0

2 months ago

being, break, culture, employees, help, humor, meetings, productive, productivity, take, wonderful, work, work culture, workplace
I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

0

2 months ago

black, Black Eyed Peas, eyed, favorite, favorite part, feeling, got, humor, i, i’ve, I’ve Got a Feeling, just, lyric, mazel, Mazel Tov, music, music preference, peas, preference, sarcasm, say, song, tov, where
But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

0

2 months ago

flipping, humor, i, irony, me, people, tinted, tinted window, visibility, window, Windows
If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

0

2 months ago

call, humor, ignored, ignored call, irony, missed, missed call, phone, smart, smart phone, technology
I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

0

2 months ago

awake, bedtime, child, clean, exceptions, house, humor, new, past, policy, sleep
Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

0

2 months ago

2007, back, bad, bad luck, email, forward, humor, i, irony, life, luck, people, regrets

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

32 shares on Discord this month:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

Freshly posted on Slack:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Making waves on TikTok:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Trending via WeChat:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Going viral on Facebook:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Just landed via X:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Just shared via TikTok:

January is the Monday of the year.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨