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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Spotted on Threads:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Spotted on Facebook:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Just landed via Slack:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Just landed via Facebook:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

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You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.
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Commentary:
Well, who knew that "sexy" was officially on the list of acceptable reasons to call in? 💁‍♀️✨ Forget about sick days—if you're feeling a little off your glamorous game, just swipe that resignation letter and stay home! 😂💃 Because honestly, sometimes even your mirror needs a day off from your fabulousness. 🔥🙈 #SelfCare #WorkFromYawn

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on X this month:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

43 shares on Telegram this month:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,313

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Just landed via Telegram:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Going viral on Telegram:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Seen just now on Twitch:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Making waves on Slack:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Just shared via Reddit:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

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