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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2414 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,576

Funny Quotes Topics

15,246

Funny Quotes Images

12,576

26 minutes ago

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Reported on YouTube:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

Spotted on Facebook:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

Making waves on Messenger:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Trending via Threads:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Jan 28, 2025

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 "Ah, the mysterious ways of the traumatized mind – capable of handling a crisis like a seasoned pro, yet get them near the vegetable aisle in a grocery store and all bets are off! It's like their survival instincts are on vacation while their anxiety decides to throw a party in the produce section! 🛒😱"

anxiety, attack, calm, emergency, grocery, grocery store, health, mental, mental health, panic, people, situation, situations, store, surety, trauma

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2414 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,576

Funny Quotes Topics

15,246

Funny Quotes Images

12,576

26 minutes ago

3,455

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Just shared via Twitch:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Just shared via Facebook:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Trending via X:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

Live now on Threads:

If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

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