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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Just landed via Slack:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Breaking via YouTube:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

Going viral on Discord:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Trending via Twitch:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Going viral on Telegram:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Humorous quote about sperm banks and high-frequency trading in a playful tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just imagining brokers shouting "Buy low, swim fast!" on the sperm exchange floor 🤣💸💦

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

I put the mess in domestic.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I suffer from awesomnia.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,666

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Breaking via Reddit:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

Going viral on YouTube:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Going viral on Reddit:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Just landed via X:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

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