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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,380

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Live now on WeChat:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Just landed via Reddit:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

Shared recently on Slack:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

Just landed via Instagram:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Making waves on WeChat:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

Shared recently on Slack:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Is there a map for adulting? Because I'm lost somewhere between "always sleepy" and "ouch, my back!" 😴🗺️🙆‍♂️

adult, adult life, adulthood, aging, always, back, back pain, being, everyday, everyday struggles, fatigue, humor, hurt, injury, just, life, pain, struggles, tired, wondering

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

0

2 months ago

heart, humor, i, insta, Insta story, keep, media, memory, moment, moments, nostalgia, old, social, social media, special, special moment, still, story
Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

0

5 months ago

airport, car, caught, company, customer, customer service, frustration, guard, hand, humor, job, me, rental, rental car, rental company, reservation, sarcasm, service, show, sorry, wait, wanted
If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

0

2 months ago

drink, humor, Jason, juice, Mimosa, Momoa, orange, orange juice, pun, wordplay
Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

0

2 months ago

certainty, death, face, grocery, grocery store, humor, magazine, Princess Diana, store, things
Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

0

3 months ago

cheese, comfort, comfort food, food, grilled, grilled cheese, healing, healing power, humor, never, power, sandwich, underestimate
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

0

5 months ago

cooking, hatred, here, humor, imagination, imagine, indifference, just, looking, me, over, recipe, soup, soup recipe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

67 shares on Threads this month:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

Just landed via X:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Spotted on Messenger:

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Spotted on Twitch:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Live now on Pinterest:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

Making waves on Facebook:

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

Going viral on Twitch:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨