After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

86 shares on Discord this month:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

22 shares on Discord this month:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.