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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,412

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Freshly posted on X:

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

Breaking via WeChat:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Just shared via YouTube:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Spotted on Twitch:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Just shared via Twitch:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Going viral on Discord:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Breaking via X:

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Making waves on YouTube:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Going viral on TikTok:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When they're busy picking raisins, you're out there enjoying a vintage! 🍇🍷😄

40, age, age range, app, dating, dating app, drinking, fight, fighting, grape, humor, over, range, set, while, wine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

0

2 months ago

activity, both, friend, friendship, fun, fun activity, humor, i, joke, laugh, marathon, running, said
I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

0

2 months ago

certain, explain, humor, i, need, offend, offended, shock, shocked, someone, wit
Toxic girlfriend who goes through her boyfriend’s calculator app and asks why he’s doing the equations he’s doing.

0

4 days ago

app, boyfriend, calculator, calculator app, doing, equation, girlfriend, humor, jealousy, relationship, relationship humor, through, toxic, toxic girlfriend, why
“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

0

2 months ago

exactly, expectation, humor, okay, pass, patience, procrastination, this too shall pass, time, too, uncertainty
You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

0

2 months ago

driving, end, just, light, me, next, rage, right, road, road rage, stop, stop light, terrible, traffic
Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

0

2 months ago

come over, everywhere, hair, humor, i, mess, over, pet, shed, visit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Facebook this month:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

36 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Broadcasted on X:

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Just landed via Twitch:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Toxic girlfriend who goes through her boyfriend’s calculator app and asks why he’s doing the equations he’s doing.

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨