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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,659

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Making waves on Messenger:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Live now on Discord:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

Just landed via Slack:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Seen just now on X:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Breaking via YouTube:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Going viral on Telegram:

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

Going viral on Threads:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

Shared recently on Discord:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess even the aliens have trust issues with our parking skills! 🚀🔑😂

alien, aliens, door, doors, Earth, extraterrestrial, fly, humor, joke, lock, past, safety, space

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

0

2 months ago

guitar, humor, lyric, man, music, never, play, relationship, stereotype, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, tell, unrealistic
I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

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2 months ago

amount, cooking, ever, food, humor, i, kitchen, mistakes, pasta, right, think
The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

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2 months ago

aspiration, career, career aspiration, commercial, commercials, detergent, humor, job, me, perfect, perfect job, person, staining, things
They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

0

2 months ago

delete, humor, invent, media, people, posts, should, social, social media, technology
Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

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2 months ago

adulthood, discovery, family, half, humor, illness, life, life realization, mental, mental illness, mentally, realization
Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

0

2 months ago

checking, couple, flowers, gardening, growth, here, hobby, hours, humor, i, impatience, me, nature, place, planting, progress, seeds

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on X this month:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

83 shares on Reddit this month:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

32 shares on Threads this month:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Just shared via Slack:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Breaking via Telegram:

Girls are perverts when they like you.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Spotted on Pinterest:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨