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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Making waves on Instagram:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Going viral on Twitch:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Live now on Telegram:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Just shared via WeChat:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Spotted on Discord:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Live now on Discord:

I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. I don’t even know what it means, but I’ve had enough.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Guess even the aliens have trust issues with our parking skills! 🚀🔑😂

alien, aliens, door, doors, Earth, extraterrestrial, fly, humor, joke, lock, past, safety, space

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37 shares on Messenger this month:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

38 shares on X this month:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Sausage might clog my arteries, but it lubricates my soul.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

22 shares on Facebook this month:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

29 shares on Discord this month:

I need a break from me.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Just landed via Instagram:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Just shared via Facebook:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Spotted on Messenger:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

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Activity Log ✨

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

I only drink when I people.

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

I only drink when I people.

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨