Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,625

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Trending via Discord:

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Just shared via Threads:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Trending via TikTok:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Trending via Discord:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Spotted on Discord:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess even the aliens have trust issues with our parking skills! 🚀🔑😂

alien, aliens, door, doors, Earth, extraterrestrial, fly, humor, joke, lock, past, safety, space

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

0

2 months ago

1986, bad, commitment, day, fashion, feel, Goofy, goofy hat, hat, humor, i, joke, lifelong, lifelong wear, sarcasm, Slash, style, wear
The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

0

2 months ago

comparison, dark, day, exhaustion, full, humor, meetings, night, same, same thing, terrors, thing, work
After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

0

2 months ago

away, awkwardness, celebrity, distance, feet, frame, getting, humor, jude, Jude Law, law, letter, letters, love, love letter, me, noticed, response, romance, something, staying
Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

0

5 months ago

backward, bend, bend backward, cowgirl, exorcist, humor, i, position, relationship, reverse, reverse cowgirl, sex, sex position
I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

0

2 months ago

anxiety, challenges, comedy, daily, daily struggle, else, going, humor, i, just, life, life challenges, next, overwhelm, relatability, something, stress, struggle, through
Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

0

2 months ago

abandoned, abandonment, biological, biological weapon, dark, dark humor, development, early, engineering, humanity, humor, left, satire, weapon

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Slack this month:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

60 shares on X this month:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Making waves on Slack:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Making waves on Telegram:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Live now on Messenger:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Spotted on Messenger:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Going viral on Facebook:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

Spotted on Instagram:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Just landed via Twitch:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨