Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,409

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Going viral on TikTok:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Seen just now on Messenger:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Live now on YouTube:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Live now on Snapchat:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about giving up on sleep and trying beer to relax.

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Commentary:
When you reach the point where counting sheep turns into counting beers, it's time to make a brew-tiful decision! 🍺🌙😴

able, bedtime, beer, being, drinking, frustration, help, humor, i, insomnia, maybe, point, relaxation, sleep, sleeplessness, throw, towel

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Slack this month:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve been a main character since birth.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

29 shares on Slack this month:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Glad I didn’t really waste any time studying international law, seeing as how it is fake and meaningless.

78 shares on Slack this month:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

Spotted on Messenger:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Just landed via Discord:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Making waves on Telegram:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Shared recently on Slack:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Going bananas on Discord:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Just landed via Twitch:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

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Activity Log ✨

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Keep the laugh going 😂

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨