Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

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Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

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If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

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My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

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Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

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Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

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The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

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December you will be good to me (threateningly).

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Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

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I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

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I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.