Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,300

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Trending via Pinterest:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Making waves on Slack:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Going bananas on Reddit:

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

Freshly posted on Slack:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Trending via Pinterest:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to keep my personal life and work separate, but my lunch break gossip sessions say otherwise! 😅🤫🤐

advice, breaking, breaking news, close, colleague, colleagues, discussion, humor, matter, matters, never, news, personal, personal matter, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

0

2 months ago

breaks, burglars, door, front, front door, humor, i, keep, me, night, safety, sleep, valuables, wake
I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

0

2 months ago

bag, butter, chocolate, craving, family, food, humor, i, indulgence, M&Ms, peanut, peanut butter, snack, sweets, want
He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

0

3 months ago

call, compliment, confidence, flirtation, gorgeous, humor, me, nerve, pretty, self-esteem
People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

0

2 months ago

alone, anxiety, before, communication, conversation, day, humor, live, loneliness, loud, people, practice, should, social, social anxiety, speak, time
If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

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2 months ago

animal, cigarette, conversation, humor, pigeon, talk
Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

0

2 months ago

activity, book, boredom, clicking, empty, every, funny activity, next, observation, page, sitting, stopwatch, time, train, turn

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on X this month:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

60 shares on Instagram this month:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Live now on YouTube:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Going viral on YouTube:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Making waves on Telegram:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Live now on WeChat:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Just shared via Facebook:

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Just landed via YouTube:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Just landed via X:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨