Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,521

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Me: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Darkness: I have a boyfriend.

Going viral on Messenger:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Seen just now on Messenger:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Spotted on Slack:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Going viral on Messenger:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Going viral on Twitch:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to keep my personal life and work separate, but my lunch break gossip sessions say otherwise! 😅🤫🤐

advice, breaking, breaking news, close, colleague, colleagues, discussion, humor, matter, matters, never, news, personal, personal matter, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

0

2 months ago

communication, forest, gender, gender roles, hear, humor, joke, man, marriage, perception, relationship, roles, still, wife, wrong
One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

0

2 months ago

addiction, anything, chocolate, craving, eye, hear, humor, i, left, week
I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, humor, i, life, old, people, perspective, reflection, sad, sadness
You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

0

4 months ago

2020, apocalypse, chaos, convince, hell, humor, living, me, open, pandemic, portal, still, surreal, year
Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

0

2 months ago

cool, feel, feeling, humor, irony, smoking, vaping, want
Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

0

2 months ago

afternoon, child, child play, eat, fish, fishing, humor, kid, lifetime, man, parenting, play, pretend, sting, stingray, teach

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Telegram this month:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

43 shares on X this month:

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

97 shares on Slack this month:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

93 shares on Slack this month:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I hope you can hear me thinking about you.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Just shared via Twitch:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Trending via YouTube:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Just landed via YouTube:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

Just shared via YouTube:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Just landed via X:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨