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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Just shared via Slack:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Coffee is better when you have no work.

Making waves on Reddit:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Broadcasted on Slack:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Live now on Telegram:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Isn't it ironic how our memory works? 🐘 Beauty might go unnoticed, but a single fat joke sticks like glue! Oh, the memory power of elephants – they never let us forget our slip-ups! 😅 #ElephantMemory #SizeMatters

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Facebook this month:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

55 shares on Threads this month:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

40 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My parents think they know me.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

75 shares on X this month:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

82 shares on Slack this month:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,570

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Coffee is better when you have no work.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Going viral on WeChat:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Live now on Snapchat:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Just landed via Messenger:

Good morning. Does anyone know what is right and what is wrong?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

Spotted on Threads:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Just landed via Discord:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

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