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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

It’s amazing to think that a Penguin wrote all of those classic books.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,406

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Breaking via Instagram:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Spotted on WeChat:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

Just shared via Telegram:

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Trending via Twitch:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

Making waves on Twitch:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

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Commentary:
"Christmas adverts be like: 🍗🎅🥂 Spoil yourself, you're a Christmas angel! 🎄✨ New year adverts: 🥴🥗💪 Look at what you've done, you jolly ol' sack of Christmas treats! 🤣🎇"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Instagram this month:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

41 shares on X this month:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Women love asking you questions about the movie you both are watching.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I come over and figure you out?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,471

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I totally understand those uncles and aunts who don’t attend gatherings.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Going bananas on Instagram:

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Just landed via X:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Breaking via Reddit:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Live now on Slack:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

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