Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,232

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Just landed via WeChat:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Going viral on YouTube:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Just landed via Telegram:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Spotted on YouTube:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Trending via WeChat:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Breaking via Discord:

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Just shared via X:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oops! I think I need to file this under 'Mission Impossible'. 🍫🔍😬

candy, child, eating, family, helping, humor, i, lie, M&M, nephew, search, snack, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I get writer’s block responding to people.

0

2 months ago

block, communication, difficulty, humor, i, interaction, people, responding, response, response difficulty, social, social interaction, writer’s block, writers, writing
If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

0

3 months ago

barking, behavior, dog, gold, gold medal, humor, medal, nothing, Olympic, Olympic sport, pet, pet behavior, sport, win
Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

0

2 months ago

AI, answer, artificial intelligence, ChatGPT, day, ever, every, everyday, frustration, humor, i, keys, suing, where
We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

0

2 months ago

ads, commercials, entertainment, fee, humor, just, month, monthly, monthly fee, need, pay, service, shows, streaming, streaming service, subscription, us
If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

0

4 months ago

cheating, ever, feel, forgive, humor, just, people, relationship, remember, sarcasm, stupid
My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

1

2 months ago

awkwardness, being, brand, dance, effort, fun, guest, humor, personal, social, wedding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Are you a software update, because not now!

46 shares on Threads this month:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

45 shares on Discord this month:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

27 shares on Slack this month:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Trending via Threads:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Spotted on TikTok:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Seen just now on Discord:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I get writer’s block responding to people.

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨