Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,670

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Making waves on YouTube:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Shared recently on X:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Spotted on Twitch:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Seen just now on Slack:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Live now on Twitch:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Spotted on Messenger:

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess I'm on the hunt for a new doctor now! 🍻🚫😂"

advice, big, change, decades, doctor, drinking, going, health, humor, i, long-term, me, routine, sobriety, stop

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

0

1 month ago

clarity, hindsight, humor, i, post-standing, post-standing clarity, self-reflection, sitting, standing, time, whole
I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

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1 month ago

authority, doubt, everything, humor, i, question, skepticism, used
You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

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2 months ago

empty, food, full, humor, just, life, live, nourishment, stomach
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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2 months ago

am, animals, hate, humor, i, irony, love, plant, plants, vegetarian
Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

0

3 weeks ago

humor, knows, met, never, psychology, secret, somewhere, therapist, unknown
I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

0

2 months ago

child, correction, disappointed, disappointment, education, family, help, home, homework, humor, i, incorrect, kid, parent

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

20 shares on Slack this month:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

45 shares on Threads this month:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Trending via Discord:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Live now on TikTok:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Spotted on Reddit:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Seen just now on Instagram:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Going viral on Slack:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Going bananas on Discord:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨