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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,363

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Just landed via Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Broadcasted on Discord:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Freshly posted on Discord:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Trending via Instagram:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Spotted on Twitch:

If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

2 months ago

0

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Feeling like your brain is a browser with a hundred tabs open? 🧠💻 Welcome to the chaotic world of multitasking where every tab seems to be playing a different sitcom episode! 🤪 Remember to save your progress before your brain crashes! 😂 #MultitaskingMadness"

anyone, brain, confusion, else, feel, humor, hundred, multitasking, once, open, stress, tabs, thoughts

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

0

2 months ago

God, hacker, humor, i, joke, me, paper, passwords, pen, security, tech, thank, thank God
Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

0

2 months ago

American, correct, culture, dumb, french, gossip, humor, language, me, misunderstanding, next, observation, speak, stereotype, think, women
What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

0

5 months ago

buddy, finance, humor, i, joke, money, net, net worth, own, pun, wordplay, worth
I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

0

2 months ago

embrace, flaw, flaws, humor, i, joke, order, restraining, restraining order, sarcasm, self-acceptance, tried
Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

0

2 months ago

bon, Bon Jovi, humor, journey, jovi, least, music, progress
I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

0

2 months ago

ever, every, forget, fridge, humor, i, irony, life, life observation, me, memory, observation, remember, time, wrong, wronged

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on X this month:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

15 shares on Messenger this month:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

29 shares on Threads this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

63 shares on X this month:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,360

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Trending via Slack:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Trending via TikTok:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Just shared via Twitch:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Live now on Discord:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

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